In a long journey of parenting, we learn from our mistakes and that makes us conscious as a parent. There are 4 basic style of parenting. Now a day, due to some reason hovering on child by parent become common. This hovering is called ‘Helicopter Parenting’.

Different parenting style

There is different style of parenting, the four basic parenting style that psychologist share are:

permissive parenting where parent gives permission for what their children ask for. Rarely put boundaries and parents are almost child driven.
Authoritarian parenting or strict parenting style, where parents have high expectation with child. Their focus is only on obedience and discipline, want to control their child’s each and every action.
Authoritative parenting where parents become supportive and friendly and yet set firm and boundary. This parenting style has more positive effects of child and parent relationship.
Neglectful parenting where parents are uninvolved and absent for their child. Little guidance or nurturance for their children.

As there is not a perfect parenting style to follow but the authoritative parenting style is most preferable for child’s healthy growth.

What is helicopter parenting?

Helicopter parenting means the parent hover on their child all the time.

This parenting style first appeared in 1969, in a book ‘Between parent and teenager’ by Dr Haim G.Ginott.

In early 2000s it become popular way to describe this parenting style.

When parent get over involve in their child’s life and getting over protective for their child called the term ‘helicopter parenting’.

What are the characteristics of ‘Helicopter parenting’?

Over protective and over pampering to child. To love your child and to care your child is a good practice but when this is going crazy and limitless it impacts negatively on child’s personality.

Not allowing child to make age-appropriate chore by themselves. When children are too young it is totally okay to do their chore but when they grow giving them age-appropriate task helps children in their development. It makes them responsible in their future adult life.

Here, parents always ready to jump into the problem to solve it immediately. Conflict between friends, peer problems at school, anywhere when they find their child is having problem, they stepping in to negotiate.

Continuously monitoring their day, their schedule, sending multiple text or calling each day to a teen child when they are at school or college.

Limit child’s exposure to nature or society and always keep an eye on child’s each and every activity. Correcting child all the time and force child to the perfection, to be perfect.

Carrying an extra load of their homework, study and career.

Always in fear of child’s failure and in result pressuring child to perform well in study and other activity. This fear lead parents to distress and anxiety.

Why do parents Hover on children?

This question should be asked to every parent. We all have our own experience in life and have faces different level of fear, trauma and insecurity.

Our insecurity and our anxiety made a deep impact on our personality and mind and that is the reason these all affect our parenting. This line maybe hard to digest but it is true.

At some point in life when parent had felt unloved, less cared or they have failed in their life, they become more alert for their child.

Parents wish to give each and every possible thing and comfort to their child, want to solve every problem of child. That is the basic reason for helicopter parenting.

The intention is so pure but its effect on children may be negative in some cases.

5 reasons why parents are hovering on children

Anxiety about their child’s health and life. Mostly it is unrealistic threats, exaggeration of parent’s thought.
Parents judge themselves by their child’s performance and achievement and always in worry of what other people think. So, they try to make their child extra ordinary from others by correcting and controlling them.
Worrying to protect their child from ‘Bad influence’ like abusive substance, drug.
Parents trying to do better than their own parents did. They are continuously comparing their parents with themselves.
Feeling FOMO (feeling of missing out) from society and worrying of what other people would say about their child’s performance and behaviour.

Parenting is actually a long and tough task and with different phases, where parents have to learn from their own mistakes.

To taking care of child or pampering is not a bad thing at all but as child grow teaching them some basic activity, giving them knowledge of difference between good and bad is also important.

We cannot control everything in their life and that is the reason to make them stronger and wiser than before.

By doing hovering around them and controlling child every time creates burden on parent and increase conflicts between parent and child as child enter into teenage.

Being Worry and anxious never solve the problem, protecting child all the time from situation, problems and failure can limit child’s ability and skill.

Instead of controlling child and hovering try to give them support and create healthy relation with them is a better idea.

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How to differentiate supportive parenting and helicopter parenting

To differentiate supportive parenting and helicopter parenting is depend on the child’s age and circumstances. It is also difficult for parents when to actively involve to help their child and when to let them struggle.

So, observe child’s activity, listen them closely (their problems, fear and concern), as listening is the best practice to improve your parenting.

Try to be their guide or coach instead of dictator.

Encourage them to work on how they can find solution.

Don’t control them totally, let them do their own chores appropriate to child’s age.

Let them fail, makes them to be accountable for their actions.

Trust your child and their ability, this will make them confidence and strong willed.

Validate their emotion, every emotion that they feel allow them to do so. Express your love to them, showing sympathy and empathy to them, is not called hovering.

Be aware of the negative effect of helicopter parenting as it will affect child’s personality and adult life.

Negative effect of helicopter parenting on child

Over protecting, over controlling makes child to limit opportunity to learn and develop essential skills.
Less regulation over their emotions and expressions.
May face emotional deregulation because of supressing emotions.
Having hard to make friends, struggles in school and being socialize.
Have negative effect on mental well-being.
Child may experience psychological effect that can follow them in their adolescent and adult life.
Having a hard relation with their parents which leads them to loneliness.

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What is Helicopter parenting?