Dealing with teenage child is like a roller-coaster ride. Their misbehaviour, back-answering, arguments make us worried. We feel that there is something missing. The research says that the teenager in today’s time feel 10 times more stress than the time when we were teens. May this article of ‘dos & don’ts for parents of teenager’ can help you to understand what to do.
What is happening actually
as we all know that this age is so sensitive and at the same time is very important. That is the reason we have to be mindful while dealing with teenagers.
Teenage is the age where child is dealing with so hard things like study, career, hormonal changes, physical changes and the emotional ups and downs.
There is a continues roller coaster ride through their mind and mood. These all situation is very new to the child.
They have never faced this kind of situation. So, to being overwhelmed, stressed and anxious is obvious for them.
What we were in our time
We all have already faced this kind of situation. Remember the time when you were in your teen years.
How many questions and problems we all had faced.
How possessive we were for our career and study and along with that also facing many things.
Now we all are sorted for that things because we are grown now.
But now we are parents and have more responsibility on us. It is our responsibility to guide our teen child and support them. To make conversation and build a trustworthy relation with our teenage child is the necessity of time.
They have more exposed to the world and in this digital world they can get the answers for their questions and solution for their problems.
That is too risky for them as they still don’t know whether this all talks on the internet are true or false. They may talk to their friends but they are also in the same age and same situation. They don’t know to deal with these all.
They need a guide who can guide them to understand the reality and choose what is right and what is wrong.
If we parents know why our children change suddenly from a cute lovely child to a rude and uncontrolled alien, then there is a chance to understand them and we can deal with them positively.
So here is the list for what to do and what not to do for the parents. This is not only for parents actually. It also helps the teachers, the family members, the coaches who also face difficulties with teenagers.
You will think now why I include these all persons.
Just because they all play a specific role in child’s development and that is the reason, we all have to take a look at this.
This will not only help you but also help your child. After all they are still a cute, little child from heart.
First, we talk about some “Don’ts”
1) Do not get stressed
Many times, we doubt ourselves for being bad parents.
That guilt makes us more upset as these feelings don’t lead us to the right path.
Remember these 3 things. First, you are not alone in this situation.
Second, this is just a phase your child is going through.
And third, this is the time when your child needs you the most.
Instead of getting stressed and confuse, do affirmation, tell yourself that I’m doing good and will try to get solution for the problem. I’ll control my thought, my reaction and my words.
As we all are not trained parent. We learn parenting by ourselves or copying our parents or grandparents and try to do our best.
This imperfection which makes our parenting journey more beautiful.
Learning is the process so focus on the learning that how you can deal with them with more efficiently.
2) Do not react when you are angry
There are many incidents happen when we feel anger. Being angry is not good at all but this emotion sometimes hard to handle.
When we get angry, we react improperly and disrespectfully to our child and that is big no.
Be more careful with teen child as they get more frustrated and misbehave then after.
Eventually the whole situation gets worst.
Then what to do?
Well, first have a pause, on your reaction, words, and emotions.
Second, give yourself time to think the better way to handle the situation
And third, react only after your mind calm down and you are in the state where you can think clearly.
That is the best thing to do whenever you found the unpleasant situation.
Just remember, Pause, Step back and calm yourself.
3) do not scold them for their Behaviour
Scolding, hitting, taunting etc, are the weapons parents using against children.
When child is in young age, they get hurt but unable to react in the answer and after some time they mostly forget.
But now they are in teenage years, the most sensitive and mindful age where they question everything, try to understand everything.
They try to figure out the situation with logic.
If you give them physical punishment or taunting them, they will get hurts.
They may take your words to heart.
This all make the situation worsens they feel that they are not loved more, not respected and not heard.
The next time if any similar incident occurred may they start misbehaving more.
You will think that why this all punishment has no effect on your child.
My friend, to give punishment is not a solution. It makes the situation out of your control and you will find yourself in a miserable situation.
Then the question is what should we do?
We can’t get angry; we can’t punish them. What can we do??
Here we come to the Do’s
1) Stay calm and relax
How it can be possible? When child is misbehaving with me, screaming at me and I have to just be calm and relax.
Yeah, exactly. In the beginning it is hard.
I truly say that it was the hardest practice for me to do so.
When my child was in his pre-teen age, and we had conflicted many times I lost my control and getting angry.
But after a long practice now it looks easier to be calm than getting angry and arguing with him.
I’m just saying that hey boy can you please talk calmer and in respectful manner, after that we get starting the conversation.
Yes, the conversation is most important here because after that you both are in stage to understand each other’s point of view.
Talking with each other mostly ends with a solution.
2) Set clear boundaries
Teenagers always want to be independent, although they are lack in experience.
They are being selfhood, and try to challenge us.
Here boundaries help us but remember that it should be fair, reasonable and can be applied consistently.
It is okay if your child does not like these boundaries. As they resist to these boundaries though you have to keep it.
The clear and specific boundaries can make your relation smooth and conflict free eventually.
3) Do active listening
Listening to your child is the most effective way.
Listening makes the communication better. You can feel your connection with child stronger eventually.
Listening to your child gives you the opportunity to deep dive into their world. You can understand them better and get the better way to deal with them.
When you listen to your child and specially the child is teenager than they feel secure and loved.
This feeling makes them more responsible, and they behave gentler and respectfully.
Include this in your parenting and you’ll feel the changes.
Many teenagers don’t like to share their feelings, in that case spent time together.
Focus on the quality of time instead of quantity of time. Start talking on the random topics, share your childhood memories, share your feelings.
This would inspire them to do the same.
Open the gates of your heart and accept them who they are.
4) Show your compassion and support
As you all know that they are already dealing with many things.
We must be empathised and compassionate to them.
We must try to understand their situation and problems. Try to be guide instead of being lecturer.
They want guidance from us but when we start to lecture them, they started to keep distance from us.
And this creates space between our relationship.
Active listening also helps you here. The more you listen to them the more you can understand and the more they come closer to you.
Let them be in their comfort zone as when we start behaving friendly, we expect that they will share everything with us instantly. Many things there are that may they do not feel comfort to share with you.
Remember you are parent to them and not a friend. However, being friendly parents has its own benefits.
You can have some talks and, in that way, can give advice to your child.
But after these all you are now on the path of conscious parenting where you started to being calm, understanding, and friendly parent to your child.
When we start our parenting journey, we are totally clueless and lost in some way.
We learn everything about parenting by doing mistakes and without guidance.
As we learn about something that appropriate to our child’s age and practice it, the next day we feel there is something change in your child’s behaviour.
We realise that ohh, child has grown and now it’s time to learn something new that suits.
Remember that there is no one who can understand your child better than you. So, resume your parenting journey with new perspective.
Try to keep learning, understand, listen, make conversation, spent time together, anything that makes sense to you.
Thank you for your valuable time. I hope you enjoy this article. If you get value to this article, then share it with other parents. May this article help them.