Parenting journey is not like an imaginary world where everything is going well and we are surrounded by only happy moments. Many times, it happens that we feel angry and somehow, we are not able to handle that horrible moment. After the moment pass away, our heart fill with full of guilty. And the situation become more miserable when we get angry on our child. So, here we look into the situation and try to find out to control anger on your child.

Why we get angry at our child?

We as a parent always carry lots of worries with us, like child’s growth, academic progress, their health and future, and many more. Well, you can imagine the never-ending list.

And this list is only about our child, along with that we have job pressure, financial issues, relationship problems, health related problems and etc.

There are many more factors than these all, but eventually it affects our emotions and triggered as an anger that is hard to handle and mostly our children become the soft target.

We are closely connected by our children and most of the time we get irritate and over react on them just because we already upset and have an emotional fluctuation.

Believe me that this is not just your problem, we all have faced this kind of situation and get angry.

Anger is a kind of emotion and it is normal as a human being to get angry as like other emotions.

The effect of our anger on our child

It is proven that when you are getting angry, your brain can not think positively or can think rationally. It loses ability to think in proper way, the more you get angry the more you become unable to control your emotion at that moment.

Your enraged behaviour makes them to feel insecure and frightened. Parents are the primary source of love and security; you are the world for them.

There are many researches that show that children who suffer violence, physical and verbal abuse, develop negative behaviour like anxiety, depression, unhealthy relation in their adult life and substance addiction.

Well, this is what happen to most of the time when you get angry on your child but most important question is how to control your anger in such a way that it has least negative effect on your child and of course on your relationship with your child.

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What happen in our mind when we get angry?

When we get angry our body is flooded with hormones and neurotransmitters to fight with the situation. Our physical body is in the fight mode.

Children become easy prey to our anger and that is the reason we get instant relief after clobbering our child, even we actually not want to do it.

So, commit right now to the rule ‘never hit kid’ and chant this mantra whenever you feel that you are about to hit your child.

Here are some other points that may help you to control your anger and make your parenting calmer.

How to control anger on your child?

1) Set boundary before you get angry

There would be happen many incidents that makes your crazy and you get angry all of the sudden. Your child does not listen to you, maybe they have fight with siblings or friends and you want to teach them lesson for good behaviour.

When we talk about teenagers many time their back answer spoils our mood and we have the big thrust of raged.

Any of these can be happen sudden and as I already said there are a lot more. But prepare yourself before any of this kind of situation happen to you. Like, what should you do and what not to do to regulate your anger?

Set clear boundaries like, ‘I would not hit my kid at all.’, ‘I would keep safe distance with my kid when I’m getting angry and do not give physical punishment’, ‘I’ll not say bad word at all’

Repeat it daily and try to apply when you are getting angry.

This will give you clear vision to your next step when you are full of emotions.

Reset your expectation from others and redirect them mindfully, to keep the situation under control and your anger to escalating.

Eventually your child also learns from you to handle their ferocious emotions as you are their first role model.

2) Calm yourself down before take action

Anger is like your other emotions, it will come to you, then rise to its pick and slowly goes away. It will not stay there for all the time until you allow it.

So, take action only after you feel that you are totally calm down. It’s also because when you take action when you are angry its effect on your child is totally negative and you would be not satisfied with your next step in your parenting.

Many times, it become hard to not to take action when anger comes but make sure that you include this point in your boundary list and try to follow it.

Remember that your one wrong step and you will miss your target (means it become harder for you to control your emotions)

Use this ritual when your get angry

Stop – Drop – Breathe

Means, (Stop reacting – Drop your thought – Start doing deep breathe)

3) Give yourself time out

After getting angry your body feels exhausted. Take your time to come back to your normal state and then think your next step.

Take five – These five actions give you relief from your anger.

1. Take a deep breath
2. Count numbers along with your breath
3. Make safe distance with your kid to avoid hitting
4. Give yourself time out and take your time
5. Chant this Mantra – You love yourself and you love your kid a lot

Remember these five steps whenever you feel angry, it helps you to manage your emotions more effectively.

4) Do not act on your anger

Anger is never constructive. So, when you feed your anger, it increases its size in your brain and time by time it makes you slave.

Even when we feel anger and started to think about it at that moment it makes you angrier and then it become hard to be calm down.

So, only listen to your anger after calm down and ask yourself what situation actually makes you anger and find the solution because many times your anger is just the outcome of your buried emotions.

Our anger is maybe at our partner or other family member, at our boss or colleague, or maybe you are tired after a hectic day.

When you think deep down into your mind you will realize that you are carrying this anger with you and spill out onto your child.

Make a chart for your anger exactly like we made for our child for his good behaviour and give yourself reward each time when you have success to control your anger. Your reward points also show your progress. You feel satisfaction and encourage too.

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5) Wait before disciplining

Many times, our child make not so good behaviour or they make some mistakes and our anger suddenly outburst. And we started to give them lots of instruction and start making rules, which may be not appropriate for your child because in your rage you have forgotten to ask your child their perspective and that’s why child feel ignored.

Your rules may be not work here and would be not followed by your child and again your anger will erupt.

Well, this could be happened to anyone, but you have to remind yourself that make rules and boundaries only after getting calm down and first talk with your child to make rules more effective.

6) Put your legs into their shoes

We have lots of memories from our childhood and it maybe possible that we paint our parents as a villain for not allowing us to the party or get-to-gather with your friends etc.

We have already lived a life and age that our child is living right now (toddler, young child, teenage and young adult).

So, technically we should understand that in which circumstances our children behaving like this, what they are feeling. Just ask yourself and you got the answer what steps you can take.

7) Don’t harm child physically or by your words

In anger we forget our boundaries and started to hitting our child as hitting signals our mind to feel relief our anger without knowing negative effect of hitting.

Hitting may cause worst emotional condition for our child as he started to feel insecure and unsafe with us. They lose trust on us and in a long run their behaviour changes dramatically which effect on our relationship with our child.

Our bad words also make negative effect on child’s mind. It may be worsened than your physical punishment because its touches them deep down to their heart. And then they started to make distance from you.

So, please commit at this moment to not harm your child physically or by your words.

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8) Encourage better behaviour

A study shows that when you encourage your child’s good behaviour, they repeat that behaviour to get your attention. They want to be praised and that is the reason they are more likely to do good behaviour.

Repeatedly good behaviour makes you less angry and then you know how to handle another situation. Little by little you feel that everything is going to be under control and you enjoy the new in you.

But still there is a reminder for you that the expectation should be less and easily fulfilled.

9) Accept your side of problem

Always be clear that in any situation when you feel angry you are the part of the problem. You are in that situation and you feel anger in your mind.

you should accept the part of your side where you are not alone in that situation. Carefully handle your anger and act in such a way that your anger does not spoil your relationship.

Find out different ways to control your anger. It all upon you that how are you dealing with it. Recall the five mantra and make your rituals accordingly.

10)  Love yourself

If you want to perform better as a parent, make sure that you take care of yourself like you are caring for your child.

May be many people makes fun of this sentence but yeah, it’s true that when you give yourself downtime you get more energy to do next chore and you can perform better than before.

Parenting throws you many challenges in front of you and it takes lots of effort to maintain everything. Your home, other relationship, your office work and the list have no end.

So, take your time and enjoy me time, whatever you like, reading a book, writing a journal, watch favourite movie or series. It would be anything that makes you relax and that you love.

Well, my personal choice is gardening. It gives me a lot relaxation and help me to regulate my emotions.

Here, I have an extra point to share with you, a bonus tip.

A bonus tip for parents

In parenting being stuck is normal. We are in that situation where sometimes we are unable to see large frame and hard to point out the problem, where other can see It very easily.

So, if you found yourself stuck somewhere do not hesitate to ask for help, go for it.

It is our journey of parenting and to make it beautiful we should take each and every step toward it.

Seek help through counselling or parent’s support group.

You will definitely get proper guidance if you found an appropriate sources.

I hope these all information helps you to control your anger.

If you find value, please share this to others who also want to make their parenting journey graceful.

Have a beautiful parenting journey.