The world is changing and heading to a new era, totally different from ours where the young generation faces new challenges. It is time to change the parenting perspective in India, with all the cultural values and ethics we hold from our past generation. We still deny the new perspective of parenting, creating chaos in our parent-child relationship. Here I mention the 10 major mistakes of Indian parents.
The Indian parents are still working like an age ago time on their children which is outdated. The mistakes of Indian parents endanger their relationship with their children. As a parent, it is our responsibility to nurture a child in a way that they can develop mentally, physically, and emotionally.
It is on us to take care of their development and well-being and to give them an environment where they can thrive fully. It is our responsibility to give them emotional support to teach them emotional regulation so they can be fully independent to survive in the future life and live a happy and wonderful life.
Here are some of the topics which we are still doing which can negatively affect your children in their developmental stages.
10 Mistakes of Indian Parents
Comparison
The biggest mistake in parenting is the comparison. Every child is special and unique. They have their own abilities and skills. But without knowing their skill and potential parents start to bombard their expectations.
Starting constant comparison with other children. Parents always see the good in others and only the bad in their child which shatters their own children from within and kills their soul. When you compare your child with others your child starts to lose self-esteem and confidence. It makes them feel unworthy and unloved which affects them emotionally. The hurts they face and the pain they feel makes their nervous system numb and they are always in flight or fight mode.
We keep trying to make our child to be like other children. In return for our expectations, our child becomes more anxious, more inferior, and less confident. So, remember every child is different and unique in their way.
The lack of confidence always bothers them in the tasks where they have an interest and have skill. The chances of having depression increase in children, and even the chances of having a disorder in adult life also increase. For instance, depression, anxiety, aggression, OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and many behavioral issues, etc.
Just remember that there is always a ‘Sharmaji ka Beta’ who outperforms in study or sports. But our focus should be on our child and their capability. You have to trust your child because when you trust them and have acceptance for them they can do the best they can.
You can see the other side of your child. You will start to see more positive feelings in your child when you accept your child and give them unconditional love.
So, please do not compare them with other children. They are the blessings from eternal energy, so respect that blessing and accept it.
Killing curiosity
Children are always curious, they have a tremendous ability to learn new things.
When they are young, they want to know everything, want to explore new things, want to experience different things. What seems insignificant to us may be of great importance to them.
This curiosity and mindset to explore makes them different from others and especially from all the grown-ups. But here is the rise of a problem as we see their questions and curiosity meaningless and mostly avoid answers. We ignore them or stop them from asking too many questions.
In this way, we kill their curiosity and their imagination skills. We are also ruining the opportunity to enter into their wonderful world.
Here, we are making the biggest mistake ever. Their questions make them thoughtful. They started to think logically and rationally. They are feeding their mind with knowledge to develop the prefrontal cortex.
Their questions show that they are curious, and their thoughts grow immensely. So, encourage your child to ask questions rather than stop and destroy their curiosity.
Give them appropriate answers according to their age and understanding.
Focusing on society
We are a social animal, and in Indian culture, there are much more societal norms to follow. Here we are stuck with the old beliefs and rituals that are not appropriate in today’s time. Somehow we are afraid of the changes or do not have acceptance toward them.
The new generation has a new ideology of living life, and the lifestyle to live. They want to grow and uplift themselves by exploring the new world and new norms. And here, the conflicts start between parents and children, and their relationship compromises.
In the early days, our society played a big role in our lives but nowadays the scenario has changed. Families become nuclear and close friends take the place of social circle. So, when we say, “What society will say?” The question sounds a little foolish.
The new generation doesn’t like to accept the old and outdated standards that society has set. so, parents must understand their children’s perspective and find a mutual solution.
It does not mean that we leave our ethics and cultural values. There is always a way to deal with this complicated situation where parents should think about the perspective of their children where their happiness lies and forget about “what others will say or what society will say”
Your child’s wish would become more important than what society will say.
Looking at the World Through Our Experiences
We have faced so many conditions that make us what we are today. But as I already say the world has changed. What we learned may not be relevant today. Well, I’m not talking about the ethics.
For instance, I’ve heard so many times that parents said that in our time this did not happen, or this is not good to accept at any cost. Or sometimes they say that the internet has made the world worse and blah…blah…blah… Our new generation would not like to listen to this kind of conversation.
They know that all these have made their life better and comfortable that’s why they love the new technology and use it in every manner. The world has indeed changed and it is tough for parents to adopt it but the change is the rule of nature and so we have to accept the changes.
Our experiences are our learnings now it’s the time to let them experience the world and let them learn.
Our role as a parent is to guide them through our experiences and teach them moral values and our culture without being harsh on them. Let them explore the world to learn new things and lots of experiences. We will not stay with them forever so, let them be independent.
Try to make your perspective more advanced. Try to understand their new world instead of spreading hate. After that, you can understand the new world and your child too.
Emotional blackmailing
Most probably parents of teenagers use emotional blackmailing to get what they want or to convince a child. They do not get results because emotional blackmailing never works. On the contrary, it has negative effects both on the child and the relationship between parents and child.
Children get emotionally hurt and feel unloved. Emotional blackmailing mostly happens to teenagers and young adults because of their career choices, marriage choices, and many decisions that affect their whole lives.
If you want to convince them at some point, take a straight and to-the-point conversation. By doing emotional blackmail you become their enemy in their eyes. You have other choices for convincing them, but before you take any action try to understand their life goals, their dreams, and their happiness lies.
There is a big no for emotional blackmail or any word that hurts them deeply.
Dismiss Mental Health
In this techno-savvy world, there is a lot of stress on people from which children are not excluded. The increased usage of mobile and social media has adverse effects on their health, especially on their mental health.
Children are facing ADHD, depression, and anxiety in their early childhood, and teenagers and young adults are also suffering from behavioral issues and mental disorders. In India, parents are not aware of this situation or have any guidance.
They have many misconceptions about mental health issues. First, they don’t take it seriously or think that there is no possibility of having a mental disorder in their children. Second, they see the mental disorder as an illness, they do not have acceptance for any mental disorder.
They look at this disorder as a disease and do not believe in therapy.
But this is the harsh truth that children are suffering now and these are all reflected in their behavior but parents have no idea how to deal with it. The survey found, 1 in 4 teenagers in India suffers from depression. We talked much less about mental health and mental wellbeing. Maybe the rat race and unrealistic expectations from parents lead them to stress stat.
Be aware of the competitive atmosphere that your child is facing. Ensure to give your child a space to talk about their life and the issues they are facing now and then. Teach them to have healthy competition and to live life happily.
Related Article- 5 Reasons Why Communication is Important in Parenting
Lack of trust
As parents, we become overprotective of our children and don’t want to let our children go through difficulties. This nature reflects the exact opposite and conveys a wrong message to our children.
Children feel their parents don’t trust them. Whenever they want to do something different from others or try to leave their comfort zone, we start to stop them. We always doubt their ability.
We mistrust them which leads to adverse situations. The mistrust of our children breaks their courage and confidence. It affects their self-esteem and lose confidence in their abilities. They also start to doubt their own selves which affects their cognitive development.
The lack of trust creates a space between the relationships. Sometimes children start behavioral iregulation due to suppressed emotions and frustration.
Not Giving Financial Education
Financial education is the most important to survive in the real world. How to earn money, how to save money, and how to invest money is the knowledge one must have. For financial education, the earlier you start, the better for the child to understand.
However, there is an absence of money management and investment knowledge in Indian parenting. Most of the parents do not realise the importance of financial education and many parents do not have any idea how to give them. Because of a lack of financial knowledge, they make bundles of mistakes that make them financially unstable and unable to live a desirable life.
Just because the education system does not include financial education doesn’t mean it is unnecessary. So, talk about money in your home. Your investment planning, your home budget. Everything that seems less important to you even though share with them.
As they are learning from scratch it is also important to answer their question and if you do not have a proper answer for that guide them as to whom they can ask.
Always Commanding
We are always in the mode of commanding. Our words are always dominating. Most of the time when we give commands, children will do it willingly or unwillingly. They do not want to hurt our emotions or because of fear they will do what we say to them in a tone of command but it will not work for longer.
When we command them they feel powerless and the constant feeling of being powerless makes them feel frustrated over time and rebellious. Instead of ordering or commanding, talk to them quietly. Make your tone more calmer and polite while talking to your children. Listen to them carefully to know what’s going on in their mind.
How you converse with your children makes a huge difference in your child’s personality and behavior. The way you talk to your children, in the same way, they talk to you.
So, be mindful while talking to them.
Related Article- 7 Essential Tips to Improve Parent-Child Relationships
Not Making Accountable for Their Actions
From childhood teach them to be responsible for their action, and to be accountable for what they are doing. the best way to teach them you must be reflect accountability in your daily actions.
A human tendency is to blame others for every situation, for all the bad happen in life, they always blame others or fate.
The mindset of blaming others and the situation creates a loop where the person is stuck in their life and can not grow, not in their personal life or their professional life.
When we start to take accountability for our actions, our sense of self-confidence grows which helps us to be successful in life. An authentic relationship with oneself makes a huge difference in a person’s life.
When we teach our children to be accountable for actions they have made it makes them confident and independent. They start to improve themselves and achieve their life goals.
This kind of learning helps their entire life. Being accountable for their action makes them more practical in life, Encourages them to learn from their mistakes, and uplifts them to be better people.
These whole changes have a positive impact on their personality.
Conclusion
The world is changing everyday, societal norms, technology, surroundings, people everything. To cope with all the changes we have to upgrade ourselves so we can guide our children even if there are differences in our perspective.
As parents, it is our responsibility to nurture them in a way so they emotionally, physically, and cognitively grow. Parenting them in this new era could be quite tough and challenging but with the support of like-minded people, and mentors we can be a great community together.
I hope you get the points, if you have any suggestions or queries please feel free to tell us in the comment section. Your words are mean to us.
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Happy Parenting.